we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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