Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
