If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
