You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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