She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
