I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
