first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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