it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
