Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
