did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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