It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
