I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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