I'm so fucking centered right now
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
