I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
