We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
