it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
