My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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