I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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