I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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