Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
