shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
