4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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