The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
