Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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