He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
