He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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