i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she told me i tasted like america
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
