In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
