we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
