i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
