Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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