I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Say something about gay babies.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
