I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I didn't notice because vodka
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
