my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
