So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
