Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
