the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
