That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
