My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fuck appropriateness.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
