I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she told me i tasted like america
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
