I love black thongs
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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