This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
