I have demons in me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
