I think my vagina is haunted
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
