AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
