Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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