im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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