I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
