woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
