Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
