do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
