i think i have herpe
just one?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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